Bye 2014

So I am sitting in the dark, home from the parties, alone and ready to plan out my new year. It's just the way I thought it would be. That's ok! I need it to be this way.

2014! The year I will try and be positive by calling it my journey year. In essence it would be  seen by me on any other day of the year a terrible nightmare of a year. I am going to look at it through the lens of positive thinking for one reason. That reason is journey.

I started the year in a foreign country! Awesome idea in a perfect world. For me, my mind was scared and confused about something I didn't know about, understand or care to sort out. The hidden monster that was my mind at the time was preparing to strike me as hard as it could and I never saw it properly through the busy life I lead. I got home and found myself in a war with myself. The issue is that when the enemy knows you so well, you have to be ready to submit to fighting out of it at all costs.

I did so and along the journey this year I found fragments of love, in hindsight, they were always fragments, fragments of an already broken mirror that really distorted reality. These fragments still cut deep sometimes but you have to deal with that wound.

I also took up fitness and have dropped some serious Kg's this year. I look at doing more of this in 2015 but not for anyone else. Just for me. If people knew how much some words cut deep, they may understand why I am so focused.

I won't name people in this post, but some will not be as close to me as they were in 2014. I'm sorry to those people. I know that at the time there is fault on both sides, but I guess it's easy to run when either people don't/can't bend to your every wish or it gets a little tougher  to help someone else out when they are down. It's OK, I get it and so will you. Please accept my thanks for what you have done. Sometimes seasons change and so do friendships.

Lastly, I will say this 2015: The year to find and love me! No one else has ownership of this journey of my own self discovery!!