it's been a while.

Over the last 6 months I've slowly worked out much of the little things in my life that are unique and to some people probably annoying... Saying that, I've also realised just how paralysing fears and anxiety can be. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the easiest person to understand. I like most others in this world have complexities which I guess make us both confident in our abilities but very aware of our weakness.

Over the last few months I have had (either by my own doing or others) had lots of things exposed in the way I do things and to be honest some of those have been things that I thought were normal but now understand that I have to learn to deal and accept or modify to build relationships and friendships. It's been tough to be real with myself, but tougher to realise the sacrifices I've made along the way to resist the realistic traits.

I have tackled some of those fears I had and have found that I had the strength to face them even at the time I felt like I was really going to fail. Failure in itself is one of those fears and one I still fight on a daily basis.. questions in my head such as; Am I good enough? What happens if I say or do something stupid at the right or wrong time? What does that person actually think of me? Who can I trust really? These are the kind of questions that in the past have stopped me from doing all that I could.

There were also safe zones; The Stage, Work, My Office, My home, Secret Locations for escape. In balance there is nothing wrong with these places, but when over used or for the wrong purpose, they can become a prison.

So in the last six months I have failed a lot, I have hurt people sometimes, I have disappointed people and myself. I have also learnt many lessons, gained new experiences, found emotions that I suppressed or didn't realise were a part of my life, found new passions and made some amazing moments and friends.

Am I there yet; NO!! I'm far from where I think I need to be. I am a sailor lost in the ocean, I am a builder trying to find the best location, I am a traveller without a known destination, But really, the one thing I think I have realised.... Given the chance, I know I will make mistakes and I will learn from them, but the secret is having the chance in the first place... People that think I'm settled and I don't feel like a change... Those people, are the people who challenge my thoughts. I have changed, and it's because of you that I am challenged to continue on my journey of discovery. The path behind is used, the path ahead awaits.