a thought about where I'm at...

Been thinking about my life the last couple months..... Next year I approach a big milestone (well not big just an important year I guess). There are some people that I wish I got to meet in my life... I know they would of been proud of me, but I guess when I look into the sky at night I see them smile. There are those who I met but have gone forever. I miss them greatly and wish to have spent the time I should of to tell them how much they meant to me. There are those who I meet only for a short time and now we are so distant I wouldn't know where to look... There are those who know me well and still see me and their are those who have at some point became special people in my life.... I would say that is easy to reflect on life when you are in a good place, but for me it's not always a good place I find myself in...

There has been many times in the last few months where I have faced the demons of past mistakes and although I have no regrets in life, I know that I have given up on chances more times than I care to admit.

I was challenged a couple of times in the last few weeks to really look at who I am, what I do, why I do it and who I have impacted (both positively and negatively) in my past.

I have made so many poor judgements in hindsight that at the time seemed so right.. this is called life and I have lived it.

This career has it's pit falls... and to be honest.. the person who stands on stage is nothing like the person you see off stage... the confidence and bravado on stage is really just me trying to play the part of the performer... Off stage I am private, humble, guarded, can't handle praise well and really am totally tough on myself as a musician and person...

I am socially ADD and when it comes to talking.. I often make the mistake of not waiting or getting distracted by things. This hurts people and eventhough I try I struggle.... Then there is my unique way at looking at the world... I'm good at killing conversation.. In the past it has been handy, but now I see it's destruction....


what am I saying? I am trying to look at life through another lense and for some that is a scary thing to witness... I want to take a step back, I would love to settle down I guess and for some people that will be the strangest thing to come out of my mouth.... But I don't know :S

"I am in a trasition season! What to I have no idea about" Maybe I need a well, and a drink.....