I'm searching for:
The happiness I once had
The passion I once displayed
The energy that seemed to always be there
The compassion and empathy that made me a great friend
The smile that until recently lit up a room
The plan for the future that I used as a focus
Have you seen any of these things??
At the moment I've seemed to lose them... lose them to:
A cloud of darkness
A lack of caring
Exhaustion
A feeling of being ignored and isolated
A look of hoplessness
A lack of direction and focus
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A moment is past and a memory created
Sometimes life happens in an instant and a memory is created for a lifetime. Sometimes an experience taks some time but becomes something special.
Today a memory was created as I participated in the 2014 Rose Bowl Parade. I was joined by over 180 Salvation Army Musicians as we played in a massed band for the milliion+ people in attendance and the many more millions watching around the world.
I can't quite find the words to express the experience at present but I know that in all of the hype and anticipation, one thing remained. I was to do a march that would be something that would impact my life in many more ways than just being a part of a big brass band.
My thoughts are of a humble spirit at the moment as I think about the opportunity that has come my way. This trip away has been wonderful for my soul and I know that it is something that I have needed for a long time.
I don't know what is going to happen on my return to Australia. I may have to make some tough decisions about who, what and how I share my life experiences. I may have to make some decisions about others that will hurt for a time, but I know that life is what it is and I am not one to question it, but see the learning that happens in every moment and experience.
I do know that for the rest of my life, there is a story to be told about a small town country kid, growing up and one day getting a chance to play on one of the biggest stages of them all.. In a band without my name ever being put on the screen.
Today a memory was created as I participated in the 2014 Rose Bowl Parade. I was joined by over 180 Salvation Army Musicians as we played in a massed band for the milliion+ people in attendance and the many more millions watching around the world.
I can't quite find the words to express the experience at present but I know that in all of the hype and anticipation, one thing remained. I was to do a march that would be something that would impact my life in many more ways than just being a part of a big brass band.
My thoughts are of a humble spirit at the moment as I think about the opportunity that has come my way. This trip away has been wonderful for my soul and I know that it is something that I have needed for a long time.
I don't know what is going to happen on my return to Australia. I may have to make some tough decisions about who, what and how I share my life experiences. I may have to make some decisions about others that will hurt for a time, but I know that life is what it is and I am not one to question it, but see the learning that happens in every moment and experience.
I do know that for the rest of my life, there is a story to be told about a small town country kid, growing up and one day getting a chance to play on one of the biggest stages of them all.. In a band without my name ever being put on the screen.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013! A year of rollercoasters and merry go rounds!
Well as I sit here in Calabasa California on NYE at 9:38am. I am thinking of the friends and family back home. As I'm on the other side of the world, my wall has been filled with many Happy New Year resolutions and well wishes to everyone. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's just the way things are, but I still struggle to care to much about resolutions made often in the moment.
My year has many ups and downs.
Last year I wrote this:
I am going to be more patient with what I think I am looking at doing and I'm going to see what doors open and shut. I have been thinking a lot lately about the transition in my life from childhood to who I am. In many ways I am a very different person, in both attitude and passion. One thing that has never changed is a passion for doing the best I can with what I have been given. There is a time and a place for everything. I cannot imagine what is going on in front of me when it comes to do with life. Maybe I'll get bowled over by some amazing person and my world will flip upside down, maybe I'll take on some more travel and adventure, maybe nothing much will change and I'll just continue walking down the road taking everything in.... I don't know and right now it's about being thankful for what I have, who I have become and what I can be in the future through living the life that I lead.
So what happened.......
Well patience is something I am still working hard on. I have looked at life differently this year and know that the issue is often my pace that I live life. Something to continue to work towards but I know it will take time.
I did meet a couple of amazing people this year. I guess some things just become more complicated when you go out on a limb and take a chance. Sometimes I wish sometimes that I was a totally different person in many ways, but it is what it is and I'm learning to accept that my life will probably not give me all that I want, not because of who I am but more because people won't or can't see the person that I am and can be if given the chance. The three words "I Love You" may have been said, but in reality their were not heard. That is something that is hard to read and even write but I guess in life that is what happens. You take a risk and their is always a chance of failure. It's not all gloom and doom but it's not what I hoped for.
2013 has been a rollercoaster of a year and towards the end of it, I have really struggled with what life is chucking my way. I am so unsettled, which is so rare for me. I have been confused, angry, hurt, sad, exhausted and drained. My body has had to deal with the rigours of life and my mind has had to deal with the heart. Losing people who are close is never easy. I lost people close to me and for some reason my life is now showing me the concerns that I have to face as 2014.
To my readers, please take time to sit and talk to people and love life for what it is. It's a crazy journey which sometimes can overwhelm us as we battle through. I know I'm not perfect and this year I have struggled more than ever to keep on top of things, but I also know that life is a journey and long is the path.
My year has many ups and downs.
Last year I wrote this:
I am going to be more patient with what I think I am looking at doing and I'm going to see what doors open and shut. I have been thinking a lot lately about the transition in my life from childhood to who I am. In many ways I am a very different person, in both attitude and passion. One thing that has never changed is a passion for doing the best I can with what I have been given. There is a time and a place for everything. I cannot imagine what is going on in front of me when it comes to do with life. Maybe I'll get bowled over by some amazing person and my world will flip upside down, maybe I'll take on some more travel and adventure, maybe nothing much will change and I'll just continue walking down the road taking everything in.... I don't know and right now it's about being thankful for what I have, who I have become and what I can be in the future through living the life that I lead.
So what happened.......
Well patience is something I am still working hard on. I have looked at life differently this year and know that the issue is often my pace that I live life. Something to continue to work towards but I know it will take time.
I did meet a couple of amazing people this year. I guess some things just become more complicated when you go out on a limb and take a chance. Sometimes I wish sometimes that I was a totally different person in many ways, but it is what it is and I'm learning to accept that my life will probably not give me all that I want, not because of who I am but more because people won't or can't see the person that I am and can be if given the chance. The three words "I Love You" may have been said, but in reality their were not heard. That is something that is hard to read and even write but I guess in life that is what happens. You take a risk and their is always a chance of failure. It's not all gloom and doom but it's not what I hoped for.
2013 has been a rollercoaster of a year and towards the end of it, I have really struggled with what life is chucking my way. I am so unsettled, which is so rare for me. I have been confused, angry, hurt, sad, exhausted and drained. My body has had to deal with the rigours of life and my mind has had to deal with the heart. Losing people who are close is never easy. I lost people close to me and for some reason my life is now showing me the concerns that I have to face as 2014.
To my readers, please take time to sit and talk to people and love life for what it is. It's a crazy journey which sometimes can overwhelm us as we battle through. I know I'm not perfect and this year I have struggled more than ever to keep on top of things, but I also know that life is a journey and long is the path.
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