So I found myself in a position a couple of days ago where I found myself doubting my own ability and the direction of where I was headed. I say that I found myself in this position because I took my eyes of the goal and I instead got clouded by the things around me and not on the goal. Slowly but surely, I drifted smoothly off course until I got to the point where I was lost....

It's a strange feeling to have a forward motion but not know where you are going..... it's like a wind that pushes you towards a cliff even though you are running away.

It was in this moment that I did what any person who is lost should do. I stopped! I didn't continue on the path, but took steps to stop.

My life is extremely busy..... Most people know that... People don't understand how I do all the things I do and I don't either. But I find in life, there is so much to do and celebrate that sometimes what others see as chores I see as pleasures.

I sacrifice not for an ego boost that it might allow others to benefit.

in the midst of being lost, I doubted God! a few situations and circumstances made me question... I find questioning ok as long as you don't mind hearing the answer. WHATEVER that answer is....

God challenged me with this:

You doubt my ability to provide, yet you ask for it anyway. You doubt my ability to create, Yet you live everyday in my perfection, You doubt my ability to protect, Yet you are living in my hands, You doubt my love for you, Yet I gave you my son.

It floored me to think of how blinded we can become by our own thoughts.

A YouTube clip that I stumbled over is the beautiful song Don't doubt him now.. This solo is one I have played but it spoke to me beyond the words as I hope that it does for you.

TCAC 2013 Stream Video. The newly formed TYB band of the Salvation Army (Aus Southern Territory) preparing for our trip to the RoseBowl parade

woah I just noticed that the last blog on here was my birthday...


Well I have felt the need to write this blog as a reflection of something that my boss sent me today as a thought. I love to reflect and over the last few hours of report correction, review, and contemplation I have come to the following thoughts that I would love to share.

This is the link of the original article that got me thinking

http://www.theage.com.au/comment/why-state-school-students-win-the-battle-for-values-20130609-2nxug.html

I'll start with my journey as a student.

My parents did not have a lot of money! I went to a state school my entire 13 years of primary and secondary education. I don't consider myself to be the smartest, most intelligent, or even sporty person. In fact, Sport and me probably had many arguments over my childhood. I choose a career in Music. In fact my music teacher in primary school was amazing with how she let me explore the Music room whilst managing to keep others on basics. My general experience of Primary school was one of wonder, exploration and the occasional mean kid who for whatever reason choose me as a target.  Sounds like a normal childhood. I was the youngest of 5 kids. I do have 4 amazing older sisters but don't tell them I said so.. They won't believe you. I had a loving Mum and a Dad that was truly a superhero in my eyes. I had teachers who challenged me, taught me about being me, let me imagine. But, a minority were just  not like others... they were special. I saw in them something that made me want to learn about why they were who they were. They were truly amazing people, even to a 10 year old kid  (Year 6)

Fast forward to Secondary College. I went to a state school which in the eyes of the community probably had a pretty bad reputation but behind those walls, was an amazing opportunity to be the best I could be. Granted, sometimes the facilities weren't great, the teachers were varied, some even made me feel like they didn't care... But a few, maybe 5 to this day, make me proud to say that I learnt from them. I had music teachers who pushed me to be the best I could, A maths teacher who not only got to know my learning style and way of thinking but made it a personal quest to get to know the class as young people. I had a humanities (Geography) teacher who challenged me to not look at the world through my eyes, not take a book for fact, but to look at the world as a canvas to explore. I had a science teacher who challenged me not to be smart, but be intelligent in my decisions. I had a Technology teacher that not only embraced his subject but was so patient with the 20 boys who would rather burn something than make something. It doesn't end there. I had friends who were as varied in Race, Culture, Academic and Society status, who were in love with subjects that made some people question why they would bother. I got to go on Music camps that would change my outlook on what it was like to be a musician. I met people that at the time I thought were just special, but now I call them my friends. I work with them, play in groups with them, hang out with them, share life's journeys with them. Granted I had bad teachers too, but they at least taught me what I wasn't going to become in my later career choice.

Forward to my senior schooling. I embraced the change as best I could. I remember an English class in yr 12. The softly spoken teacher challenged us to study the characters and without telling us directly, I found myself falling in love with the literature we were reading. I loved reading and analysing it was a quirk I guess, but as a musician it allowed me to be emotional without the instrument, to learn how to hear a sentence for more than just words. Ok, I didn't get a 99.95 for my TER (the university entrance score) I was never going to get that. But I got into Uni. I lived a great life as a student. I made plenty of mistakes. Probably hurt people along the way with those mistakes and as I reflect, Faces and names come to mind of those that hold a special place in my heart.

University was where the mixing pot became like a giant boiling pot of simmering delight... This is where I found myself. Where everything that had happened before made sense. Where I found purpose in what I had done for all this time.


It's now 2013. I've now taught Instrumental music in Private Schools, Taught students in classrooms in Private and Public classes and I want to tell you about what I see day to day and why I want to celebrate it.

I am a proud teacher of secondary school children in a public state school in the NW region of Victoria. I am a Music Co-ordinator of a program which provides me with more joy than it does the students and I mean that with sincere thought towards what the students teach me about myself every day. I work with amazing people, some of which taught me. I have a team of people that I know will challenge me to be the best I can, but also expect that I do the same. For us, it's about the kids... It's has to be all about the Kids. Kids being said are some of the amazing young adults that we have serving in our community in a vast range of jobs and services.

I look at the kids with disabilities and I see in their eyes, a joy that can't be measured. They are able to achieve whatever level they think they can because we provide that opportunity. I manage staff which show them and myself that compassion and empathy is what makes this world a better place.

I see the students who will never be rocket scientist or even CEO's or business owners. They come to school with a hope to make it to the end, to maybe get skills to get a job and be a responsible tax payer. I dream of the best possible future for them and I will do anything I humanly can to share that dream and make it a reality for them. I see the students who sit in a classroom bored, not because they are lazy but because they are not being pushed beyond what they think is possible. They are the thinkers in this world. The ones who sit and ponder what is possible. There is the artists who dream of telling a story, the sportsman who dreams of glory, the author who is wanting to create a new world, the dancer who can't stop moving because in the movement comes beauty.

There is no mention of the Financial background there because there doesn't have to be. It is not about how much you can afford education. Money does not mean better education, Money means better facilities, better buildings, better whatever.... Real education is not taught or consumed with money, it is through sharing and accepting that this world is so varied that we can never know or imagine the vast opportunities that present itself, that shape our learning. Some of the best teachers we have are in the poorest areas and schools. This is so, because they are not teaching the text book, they are teaching the real world and life. Life isn't fair, it's not going to owe you anything.. You grab it with both hands and use it to guide you to YOUR destination.

I see what I see through my eyes. Sometimes those eyes are wide and open and sometimes they are flooding with tears. I never want to see a student not make it to the end of the education race. I want to see them finish strong. It is not my job to judge what is in front of me. It is my job however, to take what is in front of me, open the door that is education and allow students to explore what is an amazing universe of learning and exploration.

One day I will leave this profession! I don't know when that will be, but I do know this. I will not leave until I can say, that I have taken the door of the hinge and that door will forever remain open to the people who sit in my class.

Food for thought.

What am I worth

As the clock ticked over to midnight last night, I sat in silence reflecting on the last 12 months and the months ahead. 365 days ago I sat doing the same dreaming of what the year ahead might mean. Last night on my mind was the incredible journey that my life has been. I have played in many venues, many audiences and developed a bit of a following for my skills. I have put my hand to new skills in production and also in leadership. I have stood up more than ever for what I believe in. I have made judgements based on reflection and not impulse. The question on my mind last night was 'Just what is my worth'?

I've been thinking a great deal about this question as I have read and analysed the salaries of many famous people and also the sporting elite and influential people.

To be honest as I turn another year older (yep today is my birthday) all I can think of is that I can't put a figure on what I am worth.... I have not seen the potential fully in my life yet! I don't know or really care to think of what others might place on my life, but I have wrestled with this question in my life because of where I am with my job, my life and my spirituality.

How do I measure my success and worth? Quite simply, at present I'm not measuring it. I'm allowing myself to fail if need be to learn valuable lessons in humility and growth. I'm allowing my life to be free and engaging in what I consider to be soul and mind searching journies which have shown me areas in which I am strong and so incredibly weak in that I can't rely on myself to achieve anything.

In my job, I am often humbled by the fact that I have no idea of what the students actually think of me, it gives me a little sense of vunerability. All I can say is that when I do hear of how I have changed a life or inspired a thought, it makes me realise just how important it is to not worry about the how much and worry about the why....

So after three rowdy and rousing versions of Happy Birthday from students, I at least hope that they see me for who I am and not for what I get labelled with.

Much Blessings.

why?

So I write this in pure frustration but I know that God is in Control..

I am going back to Fundamentals as my solid rock.

GOD
HONESTY
INTEGRITY
RESPECT
ENDURANCE
PERSISTANCE
FAMILY
FRIENDS

It's up to you now God!

Bye 2012.......

So once again 2013 will begin as 2012 finishes..... Technically that's because time doesn't stop... Thankfully I have in the last few days enough to think about this year and what it has brought me in both positive and negative experiences.

So what does that all mean in the real world of my life.......

Well I suppose this year has been a year of discovery. I have taken lots of steps out in faith this year and to be honest, I feel that I'm a much better person for it. At the start of the year, I asked God to challenge me and push me further than I had ever gone before. To some that might seem like a dangerous challenge especially with the stuff that I already commit my time to and the people around me.

This is what happened. Doors that had half been opened were either closed or fully opened and revealed to me was a life of purpose and a life of challenges. That being said, there was lots of challenges and moments of doubt, but in the end, I pushed forward and have come out the other side with a greater sense of life and purpose.

2012 has been a huge year for performances and travel. I have continued to travel to Melbourne for the Big band and have played some decent gigs both in Melbourne and Home. My trio was stand outs at the Mildura Jazz Festival and the Big band continues to innovate and grow in it's friendship, intent and musicianship. I have also done a fair amount of writing and performing for others and really this hopefully will just be the beginning of another chapter of my book called life.

For those who have followed this blog or FB or Twitter, you would know of the 2011 heartache and stresses in my family. Well we have truly been blessed in 2012 with continual healing and also a sense of stability. It's been a sometimes a hard slog in the last 18 months, but I am so proud to be a part of this family. There is some unknown times ahead but I know that there is a plan and all I can do is let the big guy upstairs deal with that. More nieces and nephews and the odd wedding in the extended family... btw no wedding plans for me yet in case you're wondering... Not even close :S

Work life for me has been interesting... I just can't seem to shake this impulse to be a workaholic or at least spend a huge amount of time working (which would probably classify me as workaholic). I know very well the life balance and it is something I struggle with. I guess in some ways being young and single has allowed me to spend more time working so that those with a family (wife and kids) can spend more time with them. I value families and my own, and they allow me to do what I do because of the investment they made in me as a young person. The music program continues to grow and I feel so proud of all of the students involved. Some amazing kids that have a way of making me tear my hair out but only feel amazement in their abilities all at the same time :P

2013 will continue to see growth... I know my work there is far from done although sometimes I do wonder (I guess that is normal).

This brings me to Friends:

What can I say..... I have lost contact with a few. It is sad and it something that I never wanted to do, but Life is funny like that... Sometimes they are there in person for a short time but their time is always of value. On the flip side, I have made new friends and reconnected to others. It is a process that I still struggle with sometimes, but I know that the ones that are special are the ones that on my heart everyday and are always in my thoughts.


So what is 2013 going to bring me:

I DON'T KNOW :S

I guess I know what I would want, but I am approaching 2013 with the same approach I had for 2012. I am going to be more patient with what I think I am looking at doing and I'm going to see what doors open and shut. I have been thinking a lot lately about the transition in my life from childhood to who I am. In many ways I am a very different person, in both attitude and passion. One thing that has never changed is a passion for doing the best I can with what I have been given. There is a time and a place for everything. I cannot imagine what is going on in front of me when it comes to do with life. Maybe I'll get bowled over by some amazing person and my world will flip upside down, maybe I'll take on some more travel and adventure, maybe nothing much will change and I'll just continue walking down the road taking everything in....  I don't know and right now it's about being thankful for what I have, who I have become and what I can be in the future through living the life that I lead.


I am going to leave you with something that to some will seem way out there for me, but is said with the greatest of sincerity.

I LOVE YOU ALL and THANK YOU for all that you have supported and encouraged me doing during  2012!

Sometimes it's just better

I have really thought a lot lately about what troubles me and what excites me.

I have thought so much about the what and have almost forgot about the why.
I have had to in the last couple of weeks really think about the why and have decided that it's about time that I don't think about the negatives and just concentrate on what I need to do to be happy and relatively stress free. It's about making a choice for me at the moment and I'm not willing to accept the doubting people who say that amazing things can't be done.

So this is short, but for me it's not about what is said, or even why... it's about reminding myself of a life goal... Don't let people tell you that you will never achieve.

The source!

I am a firm believer that if I have a problem with something or someone, I tend to take it to the source. That way the problem remains within the two entities; Me and the source. If I cannot resolve that problem it is with the Source that I tend to move onto the next step.

Some might say that this is wise, some say it is foolish, but what it is in the end is at least a way of dealing with the problem.

Wise words for some, for some maybe a reminder, for others maybe a lesson. Just a thought!

What does a tin can, a can opener and life experiences make when you put them under a spotlight??? I think a pretty good lesson in life :S

I have been thinking over the last week of this question:

what does a tin can, a can opener and life experiences make when you put them under a spotlight??? I think a pretty good lesson in life.


The question is answered in the last part of the statement. A lesson of life!


A tin can is always sealed. It is known as a non perishable item and with that it reminds me of the idea of keeping things private and on the inside is something that through experience I have come to become quite good at doing. Why would I want to get the can opener and break the seal that keeps everything inside fresh.... It's a simple answer with many complex problems and experiences following it.


As soon as you take the can opener and you break the seal you forever change the condition of the can and what is inside. Over the last fews of my life, I have chosen to open up the can for one reason. To share with others what is inside of me that  makes me; ME.


Not everything inside of the can is great, not everything is perfect but what it is something that is uniquely me.


One of the complexities that comes with this is that it allows people to look at what is there and pass their judgements on my life. It's not that hard to imagine how that feels and what some people may say. At the start of this experiment, I found that it hurt me greatly and I wished that I had never split that can, but as I have grown in my life I have also learnt to accept that criticism, hurt and dissapointment from others is just a by product.


I live a life that I have already recieved grace for my past, I have recieved a hope in the future and I know that when I fail, I can put my faith and trust in something much larger than I.


So what does a can, a can opener and life experiences make under the spotlight? A crack of light in the darkness that is the world and a insight into how and why I live the life I lead.


Just don't tread on it, for I can't take back what I've given.




Peace.

Strike and Eisteddfod: A contrast or a reason?

When I was a young guy I had many great teachers and inspirations. Now that I am older, I am finding that I am striving to be more like those people.

Yesterday I made a decision to lose a day's pay, sit in a room with 300 other teachers and sit there and watch a telecast of the strike action in Melbourne. All the while sitting there wondering about what effectiveness is shown by sitting in a room...

fast forward to today............

I'm standing in front of 12 amazing kids who have given up a day off of school (report writing day) to compete in a competition that is really a cover for giving kids a chance to get some feedback and win some cash.

As I stood in front of them I was once again reminded why I choose to strike.

As in my qoutes on my facebook and twitter walls suggest; I strike for the sake of the present and future education of young people. I take a hit in my pocket for one day for the better educational outcomes in the future. The government have made their stand and I'm making mine... why don't I think the plans that they have laid out will work? Because history, data and performance from the past tells me so.

If you want to give me a bonus for outcomes... give me a bonus everytime I get a kid who struggles to read and write from doing nothing to writing a sentence about the words they have just learnt, give me a bonus when a kid who refuses to work picks up a pen, and give me a bonus when a students learns that there is no difference between pop and classical music, just good and bad.

If you want to let me compare what difference I make to my colleagues... how about I base your pay the same.... because I think your speech writers and suit dry cleaner make you look better so I think that they should be paid according to how good they make you look... but it comes out of your budget.

I'm ok with what I earn because I believe that I put my heart and soul into what I do... My reward trully is seeing kids like the ones I proudly stood in front of today, do their best, take a stand for their learning and reap rewards for what they share a passion for..... Nothing can be worth more than that...