sadly, this says it all about my current feelings

maybe it's just about space...... in time!

maybe it's the time that I spend thinking alone, or maybe it's just my observation, but I tend to think that my mind is much more active in the thinking about life quest that it ever has been.

I tend to have more discussions with people now about my life, the choices I have made and what it means to be me....

so I have had a thought:
"life is not measured by achievements or even how people are treated, it is measured by how well you run the race, how well you stay living to your moral judgement and most of all, what leagacy you decide to leave behind to the next generation about what is important and how to live your life to the best you can, even if it means standing alone in the face of popularity." Sometimes it's the only way to stand.....

Happy Birthday to the toughest but most inspirational guy I know.... DAD!

In life, there is always people who inspire you, teach you lessons and most of all demonstrate to you what it means to battle life with all your might. Dad has taught me many lessons throughout my life and as you can see from the pictures, it really has been a crazy but amazing life so far. From humble begginnings to a champion boxer, to a football umpire, husband, father, uncle, grandfather, mr fix it man, painter, artist, musician and most of all advice giver (even when I didn't want it). So lessons learnt are important... living wisely is important to. So what advice did he have for a son.

1. Never ever give up on the important things in life.

2. Always strive to do the best you can in all that you set your mind too.

3. Don't be bullied into doing what others do, but stand by principles.

4. Always know how things go back together if you are going to pull them apart (I learnt the hard way with the mower as a teenager).

5. Treat others with more respect than you plan on getting back.

6. Always believe in yourself and the abilities that God has given you.

7. Smile at the moments in life that are special.

8. Art can soothe the soul.

9. Even in illness, when others count you out; prove to the world that it's not good enough to sit and suffer. You have to fight to be fit, to be healthy and to be strong.

10. Life will end one day, but it's about what you leave behind as a legacy that is in the end the most important.

Dad is not perfect, he is not always right, he is not always strong. Dad however shows me everyday that life without the journey that we walk together would be incomplete and not as special if we didn't take the time out to sit and share a laugh. The years have softened all of our family and especially the males in the househould. Two of us in total (5 females) have had to stick it out sometimes but I know that Dad will power on and try his hardest to make the best of his life!

Happy 71st Birthday Dad! My hero, my inspiration and one of the toughest guys I know in the World!!

So it's the end of 2011??? My Reflection!

So another year is about to end and I am once again sitting pondering just what to get out of this year. The year after the 2010 or as I call it 1.5 year (maths people might get what I mean).

2011 started just like any other year. It started with lots of hope in a year ahead, a quest to improve myself, and a love of people and all things music.

Then the floods came. Now I don’t think it was big enough to get an ark and in comparison to Qld and all that was tragic up north. It meant that I spent some time doing what I know best, helping others who needed help rather than care about my life.

Work wise it was much the same and although I was not to know of the challenges ahead, I was excited about what was to be an interesting year in retrospect.

One of the rare positives of this year, have been joining a wonderful group of young musicians in the Territorial Big band of the Salvation Army in Melbourne. These guys and girls are amazing in a number of ways and led by Brian they have reengaged my love for too things sharing the gospel with whoever I see and playing the wonderful music of Big band and Jazz. This led to some amazing moments across the year, and has developed many good friendships along the way.

I wish looking back on the first part of the year, that I was able to see what I see now, as this was shaping up to be the biggest challenge that I have faced in a long time. For those of you who follow me on Twitter and Facebook, you would have noticed quite a dark period of my life around June and July. What many of you won’t realise is the extent that life was eating me up. As I’m going for an honest account, I think it’s important to share some of this with you. My Hero, the person I have always looked up to for life advice before anyone else, the person who to me is one of the toughest guys I know became sick, very sick.

For my family this was something that we had never had to deal with and because it was not a physical sickness but one of the mind, we had no idea how to deal with it, what to do, who to turn to and how to pull ourselves out of the hole. It was really six weeks of frustration, lots of tears, an ordeal that took a huge amount of a toll on my physical and mental wellbeing. Luckily, there was a moment of growth in this season of life. This moment is when I realised just how amazing some of my friends were. They wiped the tears from my eyes, sat with me, showed me that life will go on and most of all, showed support to my family and myself in more ways than I could imagine and ever repay.

Professionally, I have worked on many music projects this year. Some have involved me working for many hours often for nothing more than seeing others do what I feel are amazing jobs performing and displaying their skills to all that came to watch. 2012 is shaping up to being much the same.

So how do I feel about the end of 2011 and start of 2012? Well I am happy to see the end of 2011. I have considered it one of my worst years in general, but can see that there are many positives to celebrate as well.

2012 for me is hopefully going to be a continuation of the journey that is life. I hope to continue doing the professional aspects of my music and continue to develop my skills and also play and write more and more for myself and others, so that I can find some fulfilment in this amazing skill.

I hope to improve my teaching beyond what I have already done over 2011. I’m used to going over and beyond because I believe that is important to students and to the growth of education, but there is a line and I haven’t quite found it in the sand yet. Hopefully 2012 will erode it a bit for me.

I hope to find some new friends and reignite some old friendships. I have learnt this year, that some people I previously spent a great investment in, are maybe not the people that I care to focus on developing life with in 2012. If this is you and you read this, know that I have enjoyed our times together, but sometimes in life people close doors and sometimes they are slammed shut. Sometimes the slammed doors have woken in me a need to not try and open those doors but leave them closed. Thankfully the slamming of some doors has led to others creaking open and those doors I look forward to investigating in 2012.

As in all years, I have read a lot of books, shared a lot of thoughts, given deep insight and sometimes cracked a smile at life. I have cried, sighed, shook my head, lots fights, won battles, learnt that life is like war but mostly in peace, fought for what I thought was important and let the little things pass me by. I have loved, lost, turned away, brought others closer and most of all, learnt that some things are important in life and others, are merely steps to a greater prize.

To you I wish you all a wonderful New Year and 2012. May the year not be one in which we regret challenges and life, but may it be a year that we embrace those moments and celebrate a life that hopefully gives you a greater insight to who you are, what you want to be and how much you all mean to me.

Love you all XOX

Don.

Post Halls gap and Christmas

Hi all,
Sorry about the very long delay in posting, but I must bring all of my readers up to date.
The Bigband was really firing on all cylinders on the saturday night and I'm happy to say that my playing was able to keep up with what was going on in my head. I believe they could hear me from the pinnacle which is not a huge when you are playing at the bottom of the mountain range and it echoes but exciting non the less.
The Sunday morning though was a little bit more eventful. I had concerns my car was playing up and what was to happen possibly was a disaster for me but comedy for a lot of other people. My car stopped dead in the middle of Grampians Rd an hour before I was to hit the stage. The Mechanic told me it could be a timing belt.... great; that equals some money to repair... Well the RACV came to the party and a tow truck with me in it and the car on the back, made a journey from Halls Gap back to Mildura.. It was in Ouyen when we discovered that a touch (mine) had possibly caused it and that it could be worse than I thought.

Well fast forward to now. It took 7 weeks to get my car back. In the end it cost me just over $4000 and out of it I have basically got a brand new head for my car, new seals and new pumps and gaskets etc.... it pretty well blew apart the engine..... so in the end, it was a rather frustrating journey from Halls Gap to Now.

Musically and spiritually it was an amazing weekend and I encourage you all to keep an ear out for the Territorial Bigband of the Salvation Army.

TODAY is Christmas day! The day that christians mark the birth of Jesus Christ hence CHRISTmas.

I had the amazing honour of playing for both the morning service and also for the community lunch that we put on each year. This year had over 150 people at it.

Below is a presentation I performed for them, I made the vid out of some stock photos I had found.....

Enjoy!

Don.

Halls Gap 1

Well I've settled in and had a peaceful night in Halls Gap all ready for a great weekend of Gigging with the Southern Territory Bigband. It's going to be a great weekend and hopefully the 5 hours I spent on the road yesterday getting here will be only a minor point in this weekend. I was greeted by a heap of Kangaroos on the front lawn of the motel last night and one even came right up to the door.... The view out the window is amazing and the sun is so beautiful coming over the mountain.

Most of the guys are coming up from Melbourne today and we have a rehearsal later this afternoon... I hope the lip holds out. It should be a great gig and then tomorrow is all about leading worship and doing some performance pieces, then it is home.

I will try and right updates across the weekend!

Just unpacking my bags

I've been really struggling lately to really get a handle and a firm grip on my life. I was away for the weekend and couldn't help but feel that something was really weighing me down.

It was in this real time of dissapointment and despair that I stumbled across this great video about baggage.

For me this was a real message from God and as the tears began to flow from my eyes it was then in that moment of clarity that I recieved the blessing of this video and also the message from God that I really needed to address this.

For months now, slowly I have been so busy that I have neglected myself and my own wellbeing. The stress of life has been so great that I really put all of my energy into making sure everyone was ok... Now is the time that I change that. The line that really stood out for me was just how much of a lie 'Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. The Reality is it's not just the names; it's the thoughts, the pain, the denial, the rejection, the dissapointments, the struggles the broken dreams; All of these take a little bit of our spirit away and we end up being lost, exhausted, vunerable and lonely.

I have had conversations with people where the simple question of 'How are you?' is masked with a ignorant and neglected and maybe dishonest Yes everything is fine, I'm doing well... The reality is though that each time that happened a new piece of baggage was added to my travel weight.

The illustration that comes to mind is when you collect the baggage from the carousel at the airport... If you don't touch it, it just rolls on by, it has your name on it but without picking it up it's just a labelled bag. It is when you reach and pick it up that you take that bag and own it...... For us as travellers (Ilove travelling by the way), there is a weight limit. and The importance of this is so that the plane can be balanced and correctly fuelled to make the journey. We in life don't seem to apply that so we just take more and more on until we can't move off the tarmac let alone the runway.

But the answer my friends is simple. Jesus hung on a cross, and I like to think that when he was hanging there for me, he actually said my name and said to me... Come here, I see you are tired and I see you are hurt, but I am here on this cross because I love you this much... and with his arms outstretched he then looks me in the eyes and says, give me your bags and let me carry them for you.

Is it time for you to unpack this baggage and get rid of it... There is only one way to do this and it doesn't involve wearing the bags.

www.skitguys.com/videos/item/baggage-skit

Looking for the small things in times of trouble

Well it's been a few weeks of the exhausting rollercoaster ride that is coming to terms with a family member who is suffering a mental illness.

For me this time has been a time of very deep sorrow and at times strong hope in a outcome which would be amazing and just what I expect.

The reality is for me and my family is that as we have investigated this issue further and the more tests that are done, I realise just how long in this journey there still is to go, and it's going to only become more of a burden on my mental health.

The support is amazing and as a family, it is amazing to know that people truly care and want to help. To face reality is a harsh consequence of life sometimes and it is compounded when the person doesn't think that they are sick. No one will ever probably know the cause and effects but we as a family grieve that the person we once knew is no longer her and the person they have become (even for this short time) is such a stranger to us that we live in surreal world.

I continue to be broken, sad, frustrated, hopeful and unwaining in my faith, but as the time pushes on, I am constantly asking God why this has happened and to give myself and my entire family the strength to cope.

As I try to live a 'normal' life I know that my life is far from 'normal' at the moment. I have two requests at this time... 1. Pray for my Family and if you are a close friend, feel free to skype or call and I will be happy to talk. 2. Never leave a moment in time by not telling the people you love how much you love and cherish them. One day they could be perfect, the next day you could be dealing with a situation way beyond you or anyone else's control.

Life is a struggle but God has Control

So I am facing the darkness of this world. My heart is broken and my mind is wishing that I could just rewind this life to a point where happiness and peace reigned. But as I sit and write this blog, my heart is heavy and my faith is challenged. However when I turn to Jesus and I give my all to him, I know that he carries me. I pray for my Dad tonight! He is not well. He is suffering in a way that is so hard to witness and although I know that mental health is one of things that doesn't matter until we don't have it, but for my family at this time, we are broken. God as reminded me of a wonderful promise:

6 Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. 7 Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.Philippians 4

Tonight my prayer is these words by Stanley Ditmer

1. I shall not fear though darkened clouds may gather round me;

The God I serve is one who cares and understands.

Although the storms I face would threaten to confound me,

Of this I am assured:

I'm in his hands.

Chorus

I'm in his hands,

I'm in his hands;

Whate'er the future holds

I'm in his hands,

The days I cannot see

Have all been planned for me;

His way is best, you see;

I'm in his hands.

2.What though I cannot know the way that lies before me?

I still can trust and freely follow his commands;

My faith is firm since it is he that watches o'er me;

Of this I'm confident:

I'm in his hands.

3.In days gone by my Lord has always proved sufficient,

When I have yielded to the law of love's demands;

Why should I doubt that he would evermore be present

To make his will my own?

I'm in his hands!

drawing a line in the sand!

Lately I have felt the need to draw lines in the sand as far as my opinions and others about many of the issues of life that I seem to find myself either defending or looking at the accountability of actions.

I stand firm on my moral judgement or code, I stand with integrity and know that eventhough I make mistakes, I try my best to live up to the values that I claim to believe in.

I am proud that I'm different from most or at least seemingly most people. That I will not just follow the crowd, but stand on the values that I believe are important and not run away from the important parts of my life just to keep others happy.

I pray for those people who knock me for being who I am. I pray that they are safe and that they find happiness and fufilment in their lives. After all who am I to stop them, they have free will, I am just a humble man who looks at the eternal impact of situations rather than living the moment. One thing I am not is sorry.